Current mood:	gloomy
Current music:	Soonah We'll be Done

Moving Targets

We've lost a student. With all the narrow misses and calamities we've had, from magic-destroying illness and Ron's kidnapping to Padma's still uncertain fate, when it came down to it, we still had not lost one single student aside from Cedric Diggory a few years back. Students have lost family members in recent attacks, but the students themselves remained alive.

Now the attacks are coming inside. For all the wards and protections Albus has put on the castle and grounds, it was not enough to stop Death from entering in the form of an innocent-looking package. As I recall, last spring's virus was spread through a blank letter - also addressed to Harry. Do we need to start screening his mail now? Do magical checks on it first? It seems such an intrusion of privacy; perhaps there are some spells we can teach him - teach everyone - to do, so they may maintain what is theirs and not have Big Wizard watching over their shoulders, as Delores Umbridge tried to do.

But it is too late for Dean. I suppose these entities which apparently want Sirius back will not be pacified by having a new soul to deal with, but I hope that they reunite him with the father he so recently wanted to know about. I would like to think of them being together, even if it is beyond my ability to know. I suppose I could see if Luna knows, but she deserves her privacy too. I would rather not intrude on her abilities except if absolutely necessary.

We kept Harry in my room with us the night of the explosion, trying to offer what comfort and shelter we could. I hated what I saw in his eyes - the same expression I saw in my own mirror when his parents died. A loss almost beyond comprehension - and he is so young, still. Not only that, but he witnessed Dean's death.

It's a good thing I had Harry to focus on that night, and that he was in my quarters with us, because otherwise I might have been tempted to throttle Sirius on the spot. I know he was worried by Harry's journal silence after the box exploded, but I don't think he realises the magnitude of what he's done by breaking silence outside the Order journal. Everyone knows he's out there now, and most people still consider him to be a Death Eater and murderer. Bellatrix considers him dead - now she'll have a new target again. I can only hope people have as much difficulty tracing him through the journals as we have in pinning down our own enemies.

Doesn't he realise this is how he died? It's exactly how he died. He got worried about Harry and darted out without a second thought and I know he loves Harry, I do - and I love the boy, too - but ... bloody hell. Last time, he paid the ultimate price. What will be his price this time? How long until Arthur's hand is forced and someone comes to bang on the door and demand Sirius' re-incarceration? Or worse, his death? We already have unseen things wanting Sirius dead - again. Will human law get to him first? How can we possibly shield him from both things? He's not even sorry - I can see it on his face. Everyone has tried so hard to shield him and he undoes it in a single word and he's not even remotely sorry. One word, and now I see it already, people wondering why the notorious Black is on the journals, being even more afraid than they already were even though, in this case, the fear is unfounded. But we cannot tell them that. And there is every chance that by showing his hand, the law will come after him before we have enough evidence to clear his name.

When I ran after Harry, I made Severus stay with Sirius and make sure nothing happened to him - or that he didn't try to actually try to leave his quarters in his panic. Severus apparently lived up to his promise to Petrify Sirius - I came back down after Minerva, Bill and I had got the worst of it dealt with to find Severus sitting on the stone-still Sirius, calmly having some tea. I didn't say anything, but, to be honest, I was almost glad, despite the indignity of the situation. If that's what it took to keep him from doing something even more reckless that night, then so be it.

However, I cannot just Petrify him every time Harry might be in danger - nor should I. He is not a child to be minded, nor a beast to be locked up, as I am. But it just feels sometimes like he doesn't understand - or maybe it is I who does not understand him.

I'm done with lessons for the day. First essays of the year won't be in until Monday, so I suppose it's time to go do more research and also continue to look into Wednesday's events.

There is someone I wish I could go visit and just unload on. If some of the subject matter weren't Sirius, I probably would.